on this saturday (october 22) it will mark the three years since my dad has died.

he died due to complications with surgery that he had done to make his care easier (he had muscular dystrufy)

i am finding it very hard to cope with this year. and i do not know who to go to or how to go to them. i just feel very lost and very alone, even though i have great friends who have dealt with loss. it still feels like no one really wants to listen, as i tend to ramble on sometimes when i talk about my dad.

a friend -who recently lost his twin sister- told me i really should go to counseling -since he is and i guess it helps.
the problem is that i cant afford counseling, since my dad died my mom and i are having great financial difficulties -to the point that we are having problems paying our bills this month. and my town is small so there arent any local support groups or anything.

i am extremely stressed out because i do not do well in school at this time of year. i have no motivation around the time of my dad's death. but i am taking a class this semester due to the fact that my mother wishes me to. i recently quit my second job due to the fact that it was cutting into my class time. so now i feel horrible because i cant help my mom with any of our bills.

i am so stressed out!!! i am way behind in my classes and starting to feel like a complete failure.. i really need something that will help me take hold of my situation before my life falls apart!

Well this is where my mind goes blank. I really don't know how to exlain myself.

I am 18 and live in a small town in Nevada. I go to school at the local community college and have a poor paying job that I love because of the people i work with.
I have a wonderful boyfriend and a few really close friends.
I spend most of my time either at work or school. The rest I spend with friends at a local 24 hour restaurant or wal-mart.. yes its a very small town.

I lost my dad three years ago, as of  October 22. I really have few people who really feel comfortable listening to me when I really miss him. And I don't think anyone truly understands my situation due to the fact that my dad and my relationship was complicated. That is because he had Muscular Dystrufy and didnt like to get very close to people, in fear that if he died it would be too hard on them. I in turn do not like to put my problems on other people fearing that they have too much to deal with already in their lives.

And yeah.. thats about it all for now.

I am really not sure what this website is about. I have stumbled onto it while  looking for a daily quote website and found this one to be interesting.
I love to try and help people with their problems but find that this leaves me with very few who wish to listen, or who understand, my problems. And at times it feels very lonely.
Mostly what I struggle to do, as do most, is find that thing where I can show people who I am. And possibly discover more of who I am in the process. I yern to find those words that would express what I long to say. Or find that one brush or pencil that will show the world what great things I have seen.